Motke Chabad

Осторожно, некошерный бейгл в Вильнюсе!



Мотке Хабад

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Дорогие мои читатели, приветствую вас в эти летние дни! Разумеется, вы не забыли вашего Мотке – есть Мотке: вечно он говорит с аллегорией, с эдаким вывертом здесь и там, чтобы ты, дорогой читатель, мог наслаждаться жизнью и чудесами невероятного мира, в котором мы живём. Но есть и ещё кое-что. Когда я, Мотке, который знает всё обо всём, что происходит в моём родном городе Вильно, показываю вам документ, вам лучше поверить, что он настоящий. Мотке не станет носиться с фейковыми новостями!

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Posted in Humor (Of Sorts), In Russian, Motke Chabad | Comments Off on Осторожно, некошерный бейгл в Вильнюсе!

Motke Chabad Says: Rabbi Forbids His Own Community’s Bagels in Vilnius — ‘Not Kosher’



 OPINION  | HUMOR (OF SORTS)  |  VILNIUS JEWISH LIFE  |  CHABAD IN VILNIUS

by Motke Chabad (Vilnius) (Russian version here)

Midsummer greetings to all my readers! Of course you have not forgotten Motke. Sure, Motke may speak like Motke, with an allegory or a little twist here and there, to enable you, dear reader, to enjoy life and the wonders of the incredible world we live in. But there is something else you know about Motke. When I, Motke, who knows everything about what is happening in my old hometown Vilne give you a document, you better believe that the document is real. No sir, Motke does not deal in Fake News!

The document is of course the document that everyone in town is talking about. Just go around town and ask. What is the sensation this week?

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Posted in Chabad in Vilnius, Humor (Of Sorts), Lithuania's Jewish Community Issues, Litvak Affairs, Motke Chabad, News & Views | Tagged , , , , , , , , , , | Comments Off on Motke Chabad Says: Rabbi Forbids His Own Community’s Bagels in Vilnius — ‘Not Kosher’

“Pylimo Jewish Commissariat” Ensures Readers Won’t Ever Hear About the New York Times



HUMOR (OF SORTS)  |  VILNIUS JEWISH LIFE  |  OPINION  |  MEDIA WATCH

by Motke Chabad

Our national Ministry for Jewish Control’s website editors were recently faced with a daunting quagmire. An article in the New York Times (one written, to make matters worse, by a Pulitzer Prize winning journalist), had featured, right on top, a large beautiful photo of a handsome young Lithuanian Jewish man, Simon Gurevich, who was elected head of the Vilnius Jewish Community by an overwhelming majority, one year ago. Even worse, he is of pure Litvak heritage going back seven hundred years on all sides of his family. Shockingly, the article quoted him as saying that the government might find a better place for its new national convention center than on top of the old Vilna Jewish cemetery. (Obviously he was misled by those 42,500 people who signed some petition or other.  By the way, a few years ago I helped the Commissariat in its search at the time for a suitable new rabbi with that question in mind.)

Who’s afraid of Simon Gurevich and The New York Times?

Naturally, all those local Jews who voted for Mr. Gurevich are Russians who claim to be Jewish, as the Commissariat demonstrated brilliantly last May beyond any shadow of a doubt. The challenge became to ensure that readers from the lands of the capitalist leaches, those who speak English, never find out about this article. Easy enough, who will ever hear about a New York Times article about our distant country? Mum’s the word.

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Posted in "Good Will Foundation" (Jewish Restitution in Lithuania), Humor (Of Sorts), Identity Theft of Litvak Heritage, Lithuania, Lithuania's Jewish Community Issues, Litvak Affairs, Media Watch, Motke Chabad, News & Views, Opinion, Simon Gurevich (Simonas Gurevičius) | Comments Off on “Pylimo Jewish Commissariat” Ensures Readers Won’t Ever Hear About the New York Times

Motke Chabad Weighs In on Vilnius Debate



C E M E T E R I E S    /    P I R A M Ó N T    /   L I T V A K     H U M O R

by Motke Chabad

Our community has asked me to help them find a new chief rabbi, and to formulate the primary requirements specific to Vilna, as only Motke can. No problem.

OUTSTANDING EMPLOYMENT OPPORTUNITY

NEW ORTHODOX CHIEF RABBI OF VILNIUS AND LITHUANIA

MAJOR QUALIFICATION:

MUST BE A DEDICATED SUPPORTER OF A $25,000,000 CONVENTION CENTER IN THE MIDDLE OF THE OLD JEWISH CEMETERY AND MUST PUT HIS SUPPORT IN WRITING UPON APPLICATION

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Posted in Cemeteries and Mass Graves, Humor (Of Sorts), Lithuania, Litvak Affairs, Motke Chabad, News & Views, Old Vilna Jewish Cemetery at Piramónt (in Šnipiškės / Shnípishok), Opinion, Politics of Memory | Tagged , , , | Comments Off on Motke Chabad Weighs In on Vilnius Debate